Inflatable Rampage

It's hard enough to know what to give to those you love, let alone those you hate. The Inflatable Rampage Gift Boutique lets your contorted facial reactions do the purchasing as you peruse this unfortunately not-actually-out-of-this-world selection of items glimpsed around, but for some reason not in, the Mediterranean. Physical manifestations of poor taste? We'll take five!

We tried to ride this runty chrome leopard all the way back to the 70s but we only reached early 1985 before it got a lumbar cramp and is now frozen in this position forever.

We get that it's a wheel of mini cacti; exactly which foodstuff's preparation time will be cut in half thanks to the stroke suffered by this creative genius?

If the glorious rulers of feudal Japan weren't up for claiming this Moorish transvestite bridal samurai lampstand as a by-product of their regime, it just goes to show that any empire not down with social potpourri is doomed.

For the woman who has everything.....

All ladies should carry mace. Especially in this deceptively innocent form of Choc-Top - check those crushed nuts!

Fucking..... wrong.

The first artist to paint Dorian Gray eventually found employment picking the nits off second-hand bonnets before succumbing to full-body conjunctivitis.

This is what a society producing an excess of plastic and LEDs has to offer your mother-in-law next time you travel abroad. Who said the road to capitalism is straight and narrow?

Awoken from their gestational slumber, these 2 € shop takes on Alien did actually eject from their gullets successively smaller and slimier versions of their pigtailed noggins, complete with latex fangs and synthetic halitosis. The guy was a bit pissed when we politely declined, although we did buy several of his Silence of the Lambs Birthday Suits, only partly out of guilt.